I can't say that my life has been overly stressful these last few months. Sure, we all hit those jolting bumps in the road that make us want to quit this game called life and run away, but on a stress scale from 1-10, I would say I have been averaging 2-6. (For the record, spring break tipped the scales). I know I am fortunate.
I've talked a bit about how boredom and loneliness have, in the past, triggered my need to control what I eat, when I eat it, and if I keep it down. One more thing, though? S.T.R.E.S.S. Big Time. I could probably eat a house or a horse on those days where stress hormones invade my blood stream.
Here is what is going to happen in my life in the next 5 weeks: First, I will need to wrap up the Summer 2010 planning I have been doing for the past month as a specialty camp coordinator for the City of Abbotsford. This needs to be signed and sealed by Friday. Then I will work all weekend. Then I will leave for California (!) next week and RELAX! Then I will come back to B.C., pack up my precious, beloved home, bid Tanya goodbye and move out. Where? I haven't got my ducks in a row yet, but things are working out so far and I have a couple leads.
The fact that I don't know where I am going to live is something that would have pushed me over the edge at any point in the past few years. I am a planner, and I like life to be organized and predictable. When I face challenges, such as putting my trust and faith into something that I can't see, you could say that some internal freaking out occurs. I like to pretend that I am calm and have everything under control, but the pounding head aches and sleepless night attest to the opposite.
Bulimia is a very manipulative, controlling disorder, and I used to rely on it as a coping mechanism to get me through stressful times. So what does the new-and-improved Christina do for the next 5 weeks as I search for a safe, clean and quiet home in which to dwell? Well, I will keep focused on the positive things in life. I will smile often and listen to my summer playlist on iTunes. I will get plenty of sleep and make quiet time a priority. Instead of binging, I will go to the market and choose the brightest, juiciest, most colourful fruit and go crazy eating it. Instead of throwing up I will continue training to run further, faster, and harder. And lastly, instead of just plain old worrying, I will exercise blind faith and anticipate the story this will turn into. Because the bottom line is, I won't be homeless.
I'm not one to be doling out advice on trust and stress, but it would be kind of cool if we could all try letting go of something in our lives that is weighing us down. I don't know what that would look like for you, but for me it is learning that worry is useless and wasteful in times like these.
My fellow British Columbians...how GREAT was the 2o degree weather today? Now that in itself is something to smile about! Summer is just around the bend, my friends!
~C~
