Legacy

Celebrities. Stars. VIP's. Dignitaries.

Brad Pitt. Meryl Streep. Robert Pattison. Dakota Fanning.

Do you think that some people are born stars? What about the people who truly believe they are born stars who never make it past the leading role in their elementary school plays? It's kind of fascinating to me. Maybe somewhere deep inside all of us we all want to be celebrities and be waited on and have our photographs taken and hear strangers say they love us and see our names in lights. But mostly, don't you think we all just want to leave a legacy? Isn't that why we take pictures and write journals and memoirs and take generational portraits? No one wants to be forgotten. We all want to be seen. We all want to be heard. We all want to shine. We all want to be loved.

The first star I ever loved? Michelle Tanner.

And the second? Mary Poppins. But come on now, who didn't?

And we ALL know who I love now, right?

So much so that Hannah I might have taken something out of her recycling bin while stalking (ahem-visiting) her home...

One thing that I find hard to swallow though is this quote I found by Fred A. Allen on being a celebrity:

A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

And suddenly, just like that, it doesn't seem so appealing anymore, does it? Makes me grateful for the small, quiet life I lead. And it makes me grateful for the opportunities I do have to shine. I can goof off at work and put on accents and have dress up parties and make music videos with Hannah.

And you know what else? I can leave a legacy. It might not be the same legacy that the late Michael Jackson left behind, or Marilyn Monroe, or George Washington. It might not be as important. But I am still leaving one. And you are too. I see so, so, so many of you who are raising the most beautiful children ever. You are cuddling them, feeding them, loving them. They are your legacy. And others of you are expressing yourself through your art, your photography, your voices, your work, and it is beautiful.

I know I use song lyrics in my posts like they are going out of style, but it is because that is how I most often feel understood; through songs. And Nichole Nordeman sings a song called Legacy (surprise, surprise!) that totally changed the way I saw my life when I first heard it a few years ago...

I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best
At such'n'such ... it wouldn't matter much

I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an 'Atta boy' or 'Atta girl'
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things? [...]

That sounds to me like something I want for my life. I have never been promised children, but that doesn't mean I can't leave a legacy. I want to be known as someone who loved. Deeply. Widely. Unconditionally. Don't you?

Someone told me something sad today. I was at work and chatting with a parent who told me that her 4-year-old child learned from her father to yell at ESL people to learn English or leave the country. Could you, for just one second, imagine being the person on the other side of the drive-thru speaker hearing someone say that to you? (I use that example because it was the one that the parent used). I just think we could do so much better being a little more tolerant and a little more loving.

Wow, I am so totally off topic!

The point here is, that kid in Pay It Forward was seriously onto something. We can definitely pay it forward when it comes to love, and that in itself is the greatest legacy there is.

Have fun loving those around you this week, friends. If you feel so motivated as to reach out to someone this week, I would love to hear about it! We could have a share-a-thon or something. Because I am just that cheesy.

~C~

Treats

So, pretty much, vacationing = eating whatever you want, right? No? Oh, well for us it did! Hannah, Will (LOL) and I laughed and played, yes, but we also ate. Often and well. It was glorious.

I work at a rec centre. Translation: one of the healthiest work environments ever. The gym is open from 5am-12am, and it is one of the nicest gyms in the world. I am surrounded by fit people, and those who are not fit are aspiring to be. It is all quite motivational and inspiring, not to mention the fact that I have virtually no excuses not to work out and be my best. The truth is, I love my runs, and I love sweating, and I love feeling good about myself. Especially in the past 8 months as I have been learning to balance good physical health with good mental health. Part of working out means, for me, not eating a lot of junk food, but I swear, sometimes the 13 year old in me calls out begging for swedish fish, chocolate bars, pop, and chips. I don't often indulge, but this time, I did...

And basically that is how it was. Did we have self control...mmm, kind of. But there was a lot of Starbucks-ing and getting ice cream in Disneyland and there was an easter egg hunt. I think the weakness came during main meals. Of course, when you are staying in a hotel for 6 days you are bound to eat out. A lot. We frequented the Hard Rock in Hollywood as if we were locals, Denny’s knew us by name, and McCafe saw us bright and early more than once. It was so nice not to do dishes and to be served and sit down after long days of walking and exploring (please don’t feel sorry for us, though!). I have never been one to order drinks other than water and the occasional diet pepsi, but this time I did. I had lots and lots of pink drinks. And I don’t regret it at all.

It was 6 days of living. LIVING. Enjoying every second, every bite, every sip, and every giggle. It isn’t realistic to enjoy as many treats as we did in 6 days on a daily basis, but for the time being we sure enjoyed it.

And you know what, my friends? Never, not even once, did I consider throwing up. What a sweet relief that was.

Elizabeth Gilbert wrote a book called Eat, Pray, Love. It is a diary/documentation/memoir of her year traveling in Italy, India, and Indonesia. In Italy, she recovers from a broken heart, learns to speak Italian, and she learns how to eat. I think she even gained 30 pounds. But she didn’t care, because she was nourishing herself. And I don’t mean drowning her sorrows in junk food; I mean nourishing her soul beginning with her body. I have no intensions of gaining 30 pounds, but I do intend to learn from Liz. I feel like the next step in my healing journey is learning to eat. Maybe I am already on my way.

I love to eat. You probably do, too. It is just human of us. Eating ice cream at Disneyland is the best. I hope you do it one day soon.

Enjoy the weekend, friends. : )

~C~

Nobody's Perfect

Hopefully you guys don't mind, but the next few posts are going to be based on lessons I learned whilst in California. I'll throw in some pictures to keep you entertained, but there are definitely a few things I want to touch on. So consider this post 1 of 5!

When I went to LA for the first time I was 20. If you have been reading since the beginning you might remember how I have really struggled to pin-point the onset of my eating disorder. Though there is no recorded evidence of it, I know that a seed was planted in me during that first trip to the land of fame and fortune, and that seed grew into a massive weed.

Does anybody remember the movie Monkey Trouble? Like most children, I became obsessed with it and would watch it over and over and over. Eva, the little starlet, spends a lot of her time with her monkey Dodger on both Venice Beach as well as the Santa Monica pier, where the sidewalks are lined with rollerbladers in bikini tops and next-to-nude divas everywhere. Of course, when I was 10 and watching this movie on repeat, I wasn't consciously absorbing these details, but my sub-conscience was. When I got to LA in 2004 I realized with a shock that the movie accurately depicted a culture that I had never experienced or thought to be real, and it really messed me up.

You basically know the drill: 20-year-old Christina arrives in LA. Christina's eyes start to see the "beautiful people" on the beaches. Christina looks in the mirror and no longer likes what she sees. Christina decides that something needs to change. Enter: eating disorder.

BUT...that was almost 6 years ago.

This time was a different story. I have learned such a valuable lesson, and I will share it with you now in the form of a Hannah Montana song, which I am confident that you will forgive me for.

Nobody's perfect

I gotta work it

Again and again

'Til I get it right

Nobody's perfect

You live and you learn it

And if I mess it up sometimes

Nobody's perfect

How simple is that, right? Hannah got paid a heck of a lot of money to jot this one down and turn it into a hit. But it was the very attitude of this song that sent me to LA with my head on straight this time.

Like I mentioned in my post from the MAC Store, I wore heels and let my hair down and played and dreamed and ran. And I saw the beautiful people, yes, but I have learned not only to appreciate them, but also that you are one of them. And so am I. We are all beautiful people, and not one of us is perfect.

Oh, the freedom to just be. It was amazing. Absolutely amazing.

Be sure to play.

Be sure to dream.

Be sure to run.

With so much love,

~C~

The MAC Store!

Hey y'all!

I hopped off the plane at LAX with a dream and my cardigan.

Welcome to the land of fame excess...am I gonna fit in??

Just for funzies, I am writing you via the world wide web from The MAC Store on Santa Monica Boulevard, California.

Today I decided that it is really important to wear heels when you are in L.A. so I am rockin' them in the fading sunlight! My confidence levels are stable; I am trying hard to maintain my positive self-image amongst the beautiful people. I smile sadly to myself as I think of that time 6 years ago when I stood here on this beach and voluntarily allowed voices to taunt me and convince me that I wasn't enough. I am soothing that girl inside me who fell for the lies and I am soaking in the TRUTH. I am loved. And so are you.

All is well, for those who have been wondering. Dare I call this state of Euphoria perfect? I am so very tempted. I am happy to be here and happy to be me.

Thinking of our loved ones at home,

~C~

Hasta La Vista, BABY!

I'm Goin' to California

Gonna Live the Life

Sippin' on...

Well, if you've ever heard that song by Wave you will know that it isn't exactly my style to finish the lyrics...there may be some drinking of wine, but I will certainly not be sippin' on tequila night after night.

What I WILL be doing is having fun, fun, fun. It has been a long time since I have kicked back and allowed myself to relax. A long time since I have gone somewhere warm. A long time since I have gone to California. Almost two years, actually. While I am SUPER duper excited to go, there is that little part of me that remembers how it all began in L.A. The insecurity, the self-awareness, the feeling of inadequacy. But I am determined, absolutely set on, not allowing those feelings to rent even the tiniest amount of space in my holistic being. No insecurity, no fear. I'm not totally unaware of the fact that I am human, and we all have struggles. But this time I am stronger and in charge of the way I react to my surroundings.

So my friends, so long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye.

Peace out YO!

~C~