I have been thinking a lot about roots lately. Literally and figuratively.
Remember that post where I talked about my land? Well, for the first time ever (sans watching my Lama puttering around in our backyard) I have become a gardener.
I like to think of of it as my own little Garden of Eden. Um, except for the sinning and eating of forbidden fruit and serpents and nakedness and all that stuff. It’s the Garden of Eden because I am growing vegetables and strawberries for my little bunny Eden. She has quickly taken up residence in my heart, and I want to nourish her. I want to provide good things for her.
So yesterday, I got my hands dirty. I dug and pulled weeds and shoveled and rested and shoveled some more. It was awesome.
(I didn’t do it alone, though. Here is a shout-out to TL and CH for all their help! Thanks for the herbs and veggies, T!)
There is something totally therapeutic and satisfying about dig dig digging, coming to the bottom of a deeply rooted plant or weed, and pulling it right out of the ground. You hear a ripping sound. You feel your muscles relax as that weed succumbs to your strength. You hold it in your hands in awe of its size and weight. You realize that you did it. You uprooted something.
But somehow I think that feels better in real life rather than in theory. Because when you think of how deep our emotions, like roots, run, how much more painful is it to dig to the bottom and rip those weeds out? Pretty stinking painful, I think. Ahem...I know, actually. It hurts. But I think in some ways it is even more satisfying than plants. Because it is healing.
A few weeks ago I started an anthropology course called First Nations of British Columbia-Traditional Cultures. Uh, have I mentioned to you guys yet that I am aboriginal? Some of you have seen it in my slanted eyes or ridiculously thick, coarse hair. Some of you have seen my eyes shift downward when I have told you about my heritage. It is typically not something I have nurtured in myself or been all that proud of. I have talked briefly about my dad to you guys, and for the record, he is the one from which my native background stems from. He kind of bailed on me, so that is why I haven’t tried very hard to learn about my paternal roots. He never seemed proud of it, so I didn’t either.
When I started the course, I felt a little overwhelmed, knowing that all kinds of stuff would start coming up for me, being someone who cares deeply about my past and “baggage”. So I followed my instinct and I emailed my big sister Marcy. I really love her and have looked up to her my whole life, but sadly we don’t know each other as well as I wish we did. Emailing her about our history and background was the right thing to do though, because she was really helpful in explaining to me about these things. She told me our dad was (is?) a registered Metis, and that I could be registered, too. From what I have read about in my text book thus far, Metis are not a dominant band in BC, and somehow that makes me want to learn about them (us) all the more.
Suddenly, a spark of interest has come over me. This is part of who I am. It is in my genes. It is part of my make-up. I have relatives I have never thought about in my life. I think I may have turned over a new leaf here.
My back is sore from gardening today, but this is all just a part of the next chapter for me. Sore back today, yes, but I am prepared for sore emotions in the coming months as I dig deeper in my life AND in the garden, and learn even more about who I am. Isn’t that exciting?
Remember the shout-out my brother received a while back?
Well, I want to now honor my sister Marcy and let her know in a public forum that she is totally loved and adored by me, her little sister. Thank you for your help, Marc. : )
Stay tuned as I uproot more of who I am, and plant more of what Eden the Bunny will be eating this summer. Because trust me, you will be hearing aaaallll about it!
Life is grand! : )
~C~
as a side note, this will hopefully be my last internet-less week and I can be a bit more consistent with the posting...I miss talking to you guys as often as I have in the past!
