C.H.A.N.G.E.S.

Hello to all my ever-so-faithful followers, friends and family. Thank you for being such an inspiration to me and for encouraging me to keep on writing, even when I have felt that I was reaching no one.

His Heart, My Song has been an awesome adventure, but my time on blogger has come to a close. Please visit my new site (link below) to keep up with the ebb and flow that recovery from an eating disorder brings.

Thanks for sticking with me!

~C

christinachantal.net

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R n' R

Isn't it amazing how 2 days can seem like 10, and at the same time those exact 2 days can seem like a split second? That's what my weekend was all about. Moments that both lasted an eternity and ended in the blink of an eye all at once. I could cry thinking about it; about how nothing and everything happened that brought me back to this place of peace.

My dear friend (who you will remember from this post and who's blog you can check out here) and I decided weeks ago that enough was enough and a road trip/get-away/girls-only weekend was in order. How badly I needed such an escape was beyond me at the time, but I'm so glad there is someone out there who knows our every need before even we do.

A little glimpse of our weekend in pictures...

Best Western in Pioneer Square---highly recommend this hotel! Ocean view AND city 'scape.

We like being 5...

Brian MAY have some competition on his hands...

It wasn't her birthday. Haha.

Bye bye Ocean

YES I am wearing two pairs of glasses. I'm cool like that. Few can pull it off.

Only in America, folks. Only in America.

And so we arrive home. Slightly poorer, slightly unhealthier, but SO very relaxed, and so very ALIVE!

I don't need to get into the whole shpeel with you guys about the importance of 'me time', do I? You all surely know how imperative it is to our mental and emotional health as women-who-do-too-much to just hit the open road and say to hell with it all once in awhile? Just to drive the point home, though: DO IT. Drive away. Yes, your life is going to be waiting for you when you get back, but take a little breather. Pray for nice weather. Or don't. Stay locked in your hotel room. We did that, too.

Strangely, one of the best parts about this weekend was being with someone I don't feel the need to be polite to. Does that make sense or just sound harsh? I guess what I mean is that this girl and I can seriously just let it all hang out when we're around each other. There is no faking it, no false front. And sometimes it is REALLY nice to just be not-polite. I was trying to pay for something yesterday, and without even thinking about it I demanded that she give me a dollar.Demanded. And without even blinking she did. So great to have friends like that, isn't it?

Plan something. I dare you. And then go. Even when, like me, you have bills to pay and homework that is due mere days after you get home. Go because it will be worth it, even if and when things go wrong like flat tires or empty gas tanks. It will be okay because it always is, and things are so much funnier when you are stuck on the side of the road with a good friend who will laugh with you. And when you get back make sure you tell me all about it, okay? Or better yet, take me with you!

~C

To Everything, Turn, Turn, Turn

It's a little bit early to be writing this, as I was thinking I would wait till maybe March or April. But what the hay?

After I wrote the S.A.D. post, I got some amazing feedback from you guys out there. Some of you can relate all too well to what I'm going through which is comforting, but also too bad. I'm sorry so many of you are sad right now. But the general theme in regards to the feedback I received was that there is HOPE! Spring, though far away as it may seem, is actually right around the corner. Last night Brian and I took a nice, long, brisk walk for the first time in 2011, and I was actually peeling back layers instead of shivering my butt off. And today I left my coat in the car when I went to get groceries. It's a miracle, people!

I don't read my bible enough, even nearly enough, but my favourite part is the when it talks about seasons changing. Even you non-bible reading people out there will be familiar with what I am talking about, because in 1959 The Byrds came out with a super catchy song that is entirely based on the book of Ecclesiastes. You can check it out here if you want.

My favourite part?

A time to build up, a time to break down

A time to dance, a time to mourn

A time to cast away stones

A time to gather stones together

Things at work are going really well at the moment, and without using any words I think the girls and I are realizing that we go through seasons as a team, too. Things aren't the same 2 months in a row, and that's okay. My chin is up, my game is on. We're in the home stretch now; less than 5 months to go. These kids are going to learn their ABC's and 123's whether they like it or not! ; )

My family is experiencing a changing of seasons, as well. At some point or another each of my family members has had their turn to overcome obstacles, and now it's my brother's turn to shine. Yesterday, February 9th, he celebrated his 1 year of sobriety anniversary and we are very proud of him. Here is to many, many more seasons of strength and success for him!

And I, personally, am overcoming a particular obstacle as well. For the first time in a long time I feel totally free to care for myself without the fear of obsession or addiction. In January, I started meeting with a personal trainer at my gym in preparation of the Vancouver Sun Run which I will take part in come April, and she has been such a blessing. For many years I have been running and enjoying it very much, but having something to work towards is a reward in itself. It's my season to shift my paradigms and addictive tendencies.

And another change that is coming with the new season has to do with this blog...it's not going anywhere, but I have had bigger dreams for it recently, and soon it may shift from a blog to a webpage. I don't know when or how at the moment, but those answers are coming soon and I am excited and inspired. Stay tuned, friends.

Thanks for having my back. Thanks for being brave and sticking your neck out and offering such kind words (and such attentive ears) even when it's scary to be honest. We're totally gonna rock out the rest of this winter and party when the birds start singing once again.

Smile even when you don't feel like it, guys. It helps.

~C

S.A.D.

I really, really wasn't planning on writing about this. Honestly. I have been putting it off and putting it off, but since I am an ambassador for honesty around these parts, I will suck it up and get this out there.

Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Is it just me?

Seasonal Affective Disorder: also known as the Winter Blues, is a mood disorder in which people who have normal mental health throughout most of the year experience depressive symptoms in the winter (or less frequently in the summer, spring or autumn).

Some of you will remember the big decision I had to make last year regarding my half-dose of Welbutrin, a mild anti-depressant. If not, you can read about it here and here. It wasn't an easy choice to make. I stayed on it until October and then stopped. I will tell you the truth: one day my prescription ran out and I was too lazy to refill it. Worst. Excuse. Ever.

If you read those past entries, you will notice that I was struggling a lot with the weather. I waited a loooooong time to go on the AD's, but I probably should have done it sooner. Now I am confused again. Going off them cold-turkey had to have been a horrible idea as well. Sigh...will I ever get my act together?

Bottom line? Taking them is back on the table. Again. Geez.

I talked it out with Brian and he, of course, is playing for Team Healthy Christina; Whatever it takes. Bless his heart.

I guess the point of this post was to be honest about things, and also to get some feedback from you. Once again I am feeling alone, but that is quite possibly because no one wants to admit they are sad right now. But I am doing it: I admit that I am sad. I want sun. I want warmth. And it's only...February.

Hope you all like the new template. The snowy trees just had to go. They were bringin' me down.

Enjoy this week, friends.

~C