Hello friends,
I have missed you. I have missed typing until the words stopped flowing. I have missed the passion behind my posts. I have missed feeling connected to a world bigger than I realize. I have missed writing.
It's been a quiet month on the blog-front, I realize, and I can't exactly say why. It's like my mind and heart just aren't connecting. I have thought of tons of superficial topics I could write about, but why bother, really. I don't want to waste your time or mine.
You'll see in the right hand margin of this page a list of other blogs I follow. Most of them don't get updated very often, but there is one in particular that does by a lady named Kelle (who I have mentioned before) who absolutely GETS it. She says the things I wish I could say. She feels the things I wish I could feel. She is good at life.
Her last post was called The Net. Click on it if you want a good read. I don't want to bust into a cheesy she's-my-inspiration speech, but I will say that she helped me a great deal to get through some hard things this week.
It was one of those weeks, and you know what I mean.
I was sitting on the fence when I decided to write this post about how much information to disclose here. I wanted to pour out my heart and soul, but I also knew that could hurt a lot of people. So instead I emailed MY net. The few people who I feel I am the most connected with. And I feel a lot better. Especially because the ones who wrote back gave me some fantastic advice and poured out their love.
I've been thinking about needs lately and how they are (or are not) being met. And I decided that it's okay to let people know what my needs are. I've been afraid to do that in the past; afraid to face rejection, afraid to be vulnerable. But I gave it a shot. I emailed The Net, I asked them to catch me. I asked them for love. I told Brian I needed him to do something extra special to reach out to me. And you know what? It worked. I worry a bit that I forced them into loving me, but I'm trying to grasp that I didn't. They loved on me because they saw my little hand reaching out for help and because they are so wonderful they are holding on tight. When I got home from class last night there was a rose on my bed from Brian. It is so beautiful, and so symbolic of his respect for me. There were emails from friends, too. Emails that gave me enough strength to face today.
You might be confused about all this. You might be wondering what possibly could have happened that would make me fall apart. There are a few things, and I like to call one of them the "D Word". D is for Dad. Enough said? Private email me for more details if you feel so inclined. This is one topic I'm gonna keep out of a public forum for the time being. For a bit of background information, though, click here.
Otherwise I am trying to be strong. Trying to love others. Trying to keep my chin up.
And the song that I haven't been able to get out of my head? If you have a few minutes and you are a sensitive soul like me, give it a listen. Let it soak into you. Receive it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVeB7ACVgO0&feature=player_detailpage#t=0s
Let your little light shine friends.
Let your Net catch you when you're falling. Because we all do.
~C
