Just to clarify, I am not talking about work-related things, and I am not referring to my new position. Of course it has been a steep and challenging climb this week as I have sought to regain lost footing and right some wrongs, but overall it has been a week of watching puzzle pieces that I never imagined would fit come together in such a way that I am finally seeing the bigger picture. This is thanks to an amazing staff team who are dedicated beyond the call of duty to making summer day camp a magical experience for the children in Abbotsford. Part of me is sad that there are only 3 remaining weeks before we pack up camp for another year, because we're in a good place right now. I am loving this.
Rather those obligations I have mentioned are in the form of school work. Blackberry messenger has a great emoticom of a "smiley" face bawling, and those of who communicate with me on bbm know first hand how often I have used that one this week. Because seriously, I do feel like bawling. 60% of my grade happens between now and Monday. Keep in mind the fact that I am working a nearly 50 hour week, hours that seem to blur into each other in such a way that it's usually 3 or 4pm by the time I remember a little thing called lunch. I come home hot and tired and sweaty and stare with dread at the mountains of homework that await me. It's not that I can't do it, it's just that I really, really don't want to do it. I'm like a little child who can't sit still these days, and all I want to do is run and skip and play. Well, usually. The concept of watching an entire movie from beginning to end is such a distant reality right now that I would rather not even imagine it. It would be like heaven.
Okay, so I know I am being a giant baby right now. I know that this is life and that we all have to do things we don't want to. I know that in 4 sleeps this exam will be over and done with, my term paper will be submitted, and there won't be anything I can do about it. I ask you this, though: How the hell do I get from here to there? How do I go about gaining enough momentum to study for more than an hour or two straight? At what point between then and now do those last 3 pages of my paper get written, and not only written, but written well?
(insert bawling emoticom here)
It doesn't help that I miss somebody pretty badly right now. I'm not quite ready to say who, but it's someone pretty freaking special. So maybe, just maybe, this girl is a bit too distracted and lost in a dream land to focus. That's all I'm sayin' for now. : )
I had a little freak-out moment tonight when I realized that what I thought was a completed essay was 3 pages short of finished. I just happened to be on the phone at that moment with someone who cares about me enough to make me hang up the phone, tie on my runners, and take some aggression out on the pavement. So I did. I tied on my runners and I started to run. And I ran and ran and ran, and every time I felt like quitting, I thought of that stupid bloody horrible essay and I ran some more. And it really, really worked people. By the time I ran back into my cul-de-sac I was smiling again. And you know, it may have been the wrong choice, but I decided to turn a blind eye to that paper tonight. Because what good is a half-assed essay anyways? So instead I kept a special person company until bedtime and then had a wonderful 1.5 hour conversation with my oldest best friend who I needed to connect with desperately.
4 more sleeps. Just 4 more sleeps.
You know, I had my staff fill out some peer feedback evaluations this week, and I got one turned in that was for me. It was a surprise because I wasn't expecting to receive one. Someone told me I was Superwoman. I think that person got a little confused between that and Batman though, because they wrote "nananananananana SUPERWOMAN!". I had a little chuckle about that one. But you know what my friends? As flattering as that was to hear, it's not really true. I'm not Superwoman and no one ever asked me to be. I am just an ordinary girl who needs to do some homework, who needs to get some sleep tonight. All this pressure is so unnecessary, no? And if I don't get an 'A' in Anthropology I am okay with that. Because that silly little letter is not worth all this bawling and stressing. It just isn't.
I can think of a hundred things that are more worth my time right now. One of them is closing these hazelly-green eyes of mine and getting enough sleep to wake up in the morning and fight the good fight once again.
Finish this week strong, friends. Finish strong.
~C~
